Through expeditious use of the FOI laws and a couple of Watergate-style burglaries, Reds Online has discovered an evil plot afoot in our midst. Secret documents reveal that Alec Kahn, single-handed organiser of the autumnul tours of New Zealand, is actually masterminding the formation of a breakaway cult, to be based on farmland outside the North Island village of Knackanui. Little do they know but the 2010 touring squad will never return to Australian shores, instead forced to a lifetime trapped on Alec's Waco-style compound. Their spirits will be broken by watching hours of video of Alec batting, followed by a half-day of mathematical computations and conundrums. And then, as with all odd cults, there's the Kool Aid...

Alec has been concocting a special beverage for his reluctant brethren, and on Saturday the A grade team was subjected to a trial run of his foul brew. Nestled benignly amongst the sedate raspberry cordials, the orange mix piqued some curiosity - not unexpectedly, since Alec was batting at the time, so most of us were bored. The author was the first to sample the elixir and stupidly consumed a whole cup, wondering if the ammonial aftertaste was in his imagination. Others followed suit and expressed their disapproval. "Tastes like s***" said a certain hard-hitting batsman. "I think it's radioactive," said a perceptive fast bowler. "As served on the Orient Express," said another perceptive gent.

Once the vomitus had ceased and cooler heads prevailed, there was considerable discussion about what Pastor Kahn had loaded into this day-glo bottle. Metamucil? Viagra? Surplus liniment? Whatever it was, the masses were not falling for it. Although it must work, since a disastrous first hour was put right as the day progressed. Alec batted out the entire innings and staved off an outright defeat. Thompson avoided a second LBW by playing back to everything. Whittock showed signs of a return to form and Clark did enough to hold his place in A grade, a prospect that thrills him no end. Alec's mysterious Kool Aid, though largely untouched, seemed to do the trick. No doubt he'll be at Vic Market sometime this week, picking up his ear of newt and tongue of frog for next Saturday's homemade imbibement.

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On Sunday November 8th, Alec 'Don Lane' Kahn and Ross 'Bert Newton' Attrill were guests on Alan Brough's morning show on ABC Radio 774, discussing life, love and the Reds' Universe. And surprisingly frequent references to illicit drugs, of which we officially disapprove (cough). Did you hear the interview? You didn't? Why not? Did you sleep in? Were you in the Russell Street lock-up? Were you still in bed with the woman of low morality you met the night before (cue Hobbsy)? Never mind - here's an MP3 of the interview, just for you.

The Reds field three senior teams in the Mercantile Cricket Association (MCA) turf competition, playing most games in Fawkner Park or at Herring Oval. New players of all standards, backgrounds and nationalities are always welcome - just come along to our training sessions at Arden Street Oval, North Melbourne, and introduce yourself. Or, for more information, visit the Contact Reds page to express an interest in joining the club.