2010 Game 2: Auckland Uni

For the game against Auckland Uni, the touring Reds called up former batsman and poetry PhD John “Doc” Newton from a 15-year layoff to defend their title of “cricket club with the highest number of useless degrees in the world”. Despite frenzied efforts by the tour committee to have the final day of the first-class match on Maiden Park moved, the Reds were relegated to the very acceptable No.2 ground.

Captain-for-the-day Kahn won the toss and elected to bowl – a daring if not foolhardy move on a belter of a pitch with only moderate cloud cover. it looked like genius when Coops struck to remove the first two, stupidity when a 95 run stand followed to take the score to 2-117, genius again when ninja legspinner Geoff Boyes ran through the middle order  to make it 7-168, but ultimately stupidity when Auckland Uni 1^st XI skipper Boyle and keeper-axemurderer Finch put on a quickfire 95. Eventually Blobbs and surprise weapon Whittock polished off the tail, and we adjourned to the pavilion to mop up the first-class players’ lunch of lasagne, stroganoff, stir-fry vegies, rice, salads, rolls and fruit juice. So this is how the other 1% lives.....  

Uni 1^st XI openiing bowler Ali Thureeb produced a wild and entertaining start to the Reds innings, cleaning up Whittock and Kahn while Blobbs and Wides put together a 27 run partnership.  Blobbs eventually fell  to his trademark waft, and at 3-44 someone had to make a stand. Fortunately Jag “Taxi” Gill’s drives are a lot better than his driving, and “Doc” Newton was in remarkable touch for a man who hasn’t held a bat for 15 years. Jag managed to bruise a few hands on his way to the first 50 of the tour and the pair took the score to 3-84. But when Thureeb returned to make further inroads and Booth played across the line after a hard-hitting 14, the Reds languished at a sickly 7-116 from 34 overs at the final drinks break.

Kahn’s instructions to Boyes and Croft were to compile a partnership, and make sure the side batted out the overs and got past 170. This they followed to the letter, making everyone wonder what if the instructions were to reach 270. Cooper came in to smite the only 6 of the day, a moon-shot over midwicket, and the Reds finished with a presentable 8-176. Club lawyers are now trying to have the pre-match agreement that 13 players could be used by Auckland Uni declared null and void on the grounds of Kahn’s demonstrable insanity. If successful, this would mean a “no result” and  the team’s first draw on tour.