Match 2 - Celtic

REDS FALL NARROWLY SHORT THANKS TO CAPTAIN HOBBS

Wednesday April 2nd

The Reds XI fell just 12 runs short of recording its first tour victory in New Zealand. Chasing a small but competitive total of 92 against a strong bowling attack, the Reds suffered one of its customary middle-order collapses, losing 7/32 as the team was dismissed for 80. After basking in the early glow of captaincy success, skipper Blair Hobbs is now reconsidering his position and may find himself replaced – or mysteriously injured – before the next match.

The day began with a horrendously late start of 11am, after Kahn failed to procure his preferred starting time of 7am. The Celtic ground was lush and picturesque and coated with heavy dew, but this didn’t deter new captain Blair Hobbs from opting to bowl after he won the toss. There was early success when left-armer Mark Lucas produced a skier from the dangerous opener De Jeux, with Thompson grasping the chance at gully. Lucas then rattled Stevenson’s stumps and had the confident-looking Taylor caught at the wicket, leaving the home side at 3/40. The tourists were breathing a sigh of relief after the flogging their bowlers had received at Hornby, and Hobbs was strutting about at cover point like a peacock with his new-found success.

Things only improved with the introduction of leg-spinner Geoffrey Boyes. He was able to extract plenty of turn from the soft deck and worry out the rest of the order. Carlaw was brilliantly caught by Powell at slip, a low diving catch in his left-hand, then Powell again snared Gallagher off Boyes with a more straightforward chance. The Kiwis had as much idea about legspin as Alec Kahn has about hair fashion, and Boyes was able to exploit their lack of footwork to pick up another two wickets. While Kevin Rudd lookalike Boyes caused mayhem at his end, Helen Clark lookalike Jeff Scotland also bowled his medium-pace seamers very tightly from the other, ending up with 3/6.

With a mere 92 to chase the Reds batsmen were quietly confident – however their confidence was misplaced as Celtic actually had good bowlers, a most unsporting situation. Gallagher working up a fiery pace and swinging the ball away at the south end, while the youngster Carlaw was a Vettori-like left-arm spinner who was landing the ball impeccably. Dion ‘Sluts’ Newburn was the first to go, slicing a drive to point, then Powell was LBW to a Gallagher slower ball that struck him on the foot. Kahn and Hobbs tried repairing the innings and got to 2/48 before Kahn unleashed a wild block against Carlaw and was caught in close. Hobbs, fresh from propositioning barmaids and hikers on the previous days’ excursion to Mount Cook, then played an inexplicable shot, skying a wild cover drive that was very well taken by Mealing. It was all downhill from this point. Scotland was bowled by a ‘grubber’, Lucas was caught behind chasing a wide one and the next three fell in quick succession. A last-wicket partnership between Richard Lovett and Boyes promised an outside chance of victory, however it all came to an end in the 32^nd over, Lovett caught in close off Gallagher.

The Celtic lads then invited the Reds squad to their sports club, where speeches were made and gifts presented. Fortunately the after-match celebrations lacked the intensity of the Hornby vomiting competition, however there was a round of pint-sculling involving the players of the match and the duck makers (Craig, Newburn, Martin and Thompson). Most downed their pints in respectable time, however Newburn did his home country proud by setting a new world record for the longest pint-scull in modern history (4 minutes 14 seconds), prompting the Celtic club secretary to describe it as “the worst handle I have ever seen”. The Reds players then returned to their hotel suites to prepare for a big night of fine dining, nightclub exploration and observation of the local talent and/or gangs. The next match is against Appleby CC first XI on Saturday in balmy Invercargill.

Match: Reds XI vs Celtic CC
Date: Thursday April 2
Venue: Celtic Cricket Club, Timaru
Toss: Reds XI
Weather: Early dew then fine and sunny, 20 degrees
Pitch: Flat
Player of the Match: N. Caple (Celtic) G. Boyes (Reds)